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The Fam's Funny Corner


British Military

The British Military writes OFR's (officer fitness reports). The form used for Royal Navy and Marines fitness reports is the S206. The following are actual excerpts taken from people's "206's"....

His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
This Officer is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definitely won't-be.
When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change whichever foot was previously in there.
He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire satisfaction.
He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
Technically sound, but socially impossible.
This Officer reminds me very much of a gyroscope - always spinning around at a frantic pace, but not really going anywhere.
This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
When he joined my ship, this Officer was something of a granny; since then he has aged considerably.
Since my last report he has reached rock bottom, and has started to dig.
She sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them.
He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
In my opinion this pilot should not be authorized to fly below 250 feet.
Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap.
This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.


THE WORLD'S 15 SHORTEST BOOKS

15. "My Plan To Find The Real Killers," by OJ Simpson
14. The Engineer's Guide to Fashion
13. Human Rights Advances in China
12. America's Most Popular Lawyers
11. Detroit - A Travel Guide
10. Different Ways to Spell "Bob"
9. Dr. Kevorkian's Collection of Motivational Speeches
8. Easy UNIX
7. Everything Men Know About Women
6. Everything Women Know About Men
5. French Hospitality
4. George Foreman's Big Book of Baby Names
3. "How to Sustain a Musical Career," by Art Garfunkel
2. "Things I Wouldn't Do for Money," by Dennis Rodman

And the number one World's Shortest Book:

1. "Book of Virtues," by Bill Clinton


Top Ten List of Silliest Questions Asked on a Cruise Ship

by Paul Grayson, Cruise Director for the Royal Caribbean Cruise Line's Sovereign of the Seas Cruise Ship - 1998

10. Do these steps go up or down?
9. What do you do with the beautiful ice carvings after they melt?
8. Which elevator do I take to get to the front of the ship?
7. Does the crew sleep on the ship?
6. Is this island completely surrounded by water?
5. Does the ship make its own electricity?
4. Is there salt water in the toilets?
3. What elevation are we at?
2. There's a photographer on board who takes photos and displays them the next day... the question asked...If the pictures aren't marked, how will I know which ones are mine?
1. What time is the Midnight Buffet being served?


QUESTION: WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

ANSWERS:

Pat Buchanan: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
Bill Gates:I have just released the new Chicken 2000, which will both cross roads AND balance your checkbook, though when it divides 3 by 2 it gets 1.4999999999.
L.A. Police Department: Give us ten minutes with the chicken and we'll find out.
Richard M. Nixon: The chicken did not cross the road. Let me make this perfectly clear, the chicken did not cross the road!
Saddam Hussein: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed it, I've not been told!
Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.
Grandpa: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
Bill Clinton: It wasn't me. I wasn't chasing the chicken. There was no inappropriate relationship between me and the chicken.
Immanuel Kant: The chicken, being an autonomous being, chose to cross the road of his own free will.
George Orwell: Because the government had fooled him into thinking that he was crossing the road of his own free will, when he was really only serving their interests.
Albert Einstein: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
Ralph Waldo Emerson: It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
Colonel Sanders: I missed one?